im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i now understand why vodka
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
