we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize