My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
