seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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