Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
