I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
