Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
