I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just had sex bonerless
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
