My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
