she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
