Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
