no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize