I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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