Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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