HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
