someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
