im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I understand Curling. That high.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
