There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize