We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
