k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
