did you get engaged???
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
