Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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