My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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