this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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