I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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