so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
