I need help removing her.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Randomize
