White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
