Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
