Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
