There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
