apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize