Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
