Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
