oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just had sex on a roof
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
