You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
