So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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