i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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