I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize