Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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