I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
