Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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