I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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