There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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