I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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