I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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