Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
