So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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