and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize