I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
