At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm at about main and main street
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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