Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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