No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
