I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
