god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
