hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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