My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
