Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
