i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
