Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
