I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
