The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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