Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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