but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
