totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
