I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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