Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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