it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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