That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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