the condom got lost in my hair
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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