remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
