we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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