No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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