She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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