If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
