Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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