It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize