i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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