It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
