Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize