What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is it because I queefed?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
