it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
