its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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