I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
