My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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