I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
