we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize