Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
