you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We are two peas in an std pod
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
