I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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