I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
