What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This house was built for laser tag.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
