she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize