her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize