She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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