So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
