That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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