Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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