I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
