You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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