i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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