she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
