I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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