I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize