It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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