She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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