lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
