I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
