Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
how drunk are you?
Several
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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