Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
