Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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