he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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