Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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