What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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