It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
